Disclaimer: For those of you who don’t know Him or believe in Him- please don’t take offense in what I’m writing. I’m just looking to see if anyone else understands how I feel… It’s also pretty lengthy…
Long before this upcoming “holiday” was approaching, I began to feel more than ever that I wanted to share my life with a guy. For so long I’ve been happily skipping along in life, content to be ball-and-chain free. Yes, for anyone who knows me, I appreciate single males- a LOT. Haa haa But for those of you who know me best, you also know that I’ve also been content being single. Don’t get me wrong- I am still more happy being single than to settle for dating someone who doesn’t fit what I’m looking for, but I have never in my life so longed to just finally share HIM with a MAN.
All my life, I’ve tried to seek Jesus with all my heart, mind and soul just like the Bible says to do. There are times where EVERY fiber of my being reaches out to Him, beckoning Him to stay in my heart, whisper to me how I should act and live to please Him. Lately, however, there’s also been a whisper of a wish in my heart to finally have a man in my life who also lives and breathes Jesus.
I am so sick of being the only one around my age going to midweek prayer (although a few joined last week- yay!).
I am sick of driving home from church and having so much in my heart that I want to spill out about the preaching and how amazing service was and how God moved in me during it- finding myself alone.
My heart longs to finally have a man who shares that deep ache I feel when I see the children at church sitting in the pews looking on apathetically as God is moving SO STRONGLY; His presence so thick a miracle is a breath away.
When I go to pray for someone at the alter- I want a man that with one look, one nod, he’d join us
It would give me such joy to find a man who has the same deep belief that Bible Quizzing is one of the best ministries a church can offer
Something I said to one of the girls from my church really resonated in me after I stated it. We were talking about guys and what we look for and I said to her: You know in a race when the two people are perfectly matched and they are racing with all their might, sprinting towards the finish line neck and neck? If one starts to pull ahead it motivates the other to push to go faster as well? That’s what I’m looking for in a guy. That is what I want. I want a man who if he starts pulling ahead of me it motivates me to push forward in God, but I’m not left behind. Maybe there will be times where I start pulling ahead and he is then motivated to push forward more, but we’d be equally matched in our pursuit of God. That is what I long for. I don’t want to settle for guys who don’t go to midweek prayer when I’m in MEDICAL SCHOOL and I still go! I won’t settle for a man who doesn’t push me to want to pray more, fast more, seek Him more.
And so, I continue on, waiting to finally see that guy, waiting to finally meet that guy; one whose pace is perfectly matched with mine. It is SO frustrating at times though when I know I’ve pushed guys away who were clearly interested in me b/c I knew that I longed for God more, but I just can’t settle…
